Title: Moxie’s Problem (Book #1)
Author: Hank Quense
Pages: 294
Genre: Fantasy
Book Description:
Do you enjoy untypical coming-of-age stories? Well you find one more untypical that Moxie’s Problem. Moxie is an obnoxious, teen-age princess who has never been outside her father’s castle. Until now. The real world is quite different and she struggles to come to grips with reality. The story takes place against a backdrop of Camelot. But it isn’t the Camelot of legends. It’s Camelot in a parallel universe. So, all bets are off!
Moxie is a princess that isn't typical. She's short, stocky, plain, and obnoxious. Her father has found someone that will marry her so three apprentice Knights of the Round Table are given the task to escort her there safely. There are issues when they arrive and, based on what she's learned from the knights along the way, Moxie changes her plans.
There was more to the story than Moxie, though. There are things happening in Camelot, with King Artie, Merlin and Lancelot as you've not heard of them before. The apprentice knights that escorted Moxie (Garth, Bors and Percivale) also had additional storylines. There were times that it seemed a bit disjointed, probably because there was a lot going on.
Moxie was easy to dislike in the beginning, but she changed and grew so became more likable as the book progressed. There's still a lot that can be done with her character to show even more growth and development. I was the most interested in her story and wish the book had focused around her more.
From reading the description, I got the impression that this book was geared more towards the young adult age group. I quickly learned that it is actually an adult novel. There is some language (including a couple of "f" words), and lots of innuendo. There are also quite a few crude references, both sexual and bodily functions. The story does continue on but, due to content that I don't personally enjoy reading, I won't be picking it up.
My Rating=3 Stars
Source: Received a copy from Legit Lit Books for an honest review
Excerpt:
Backstory
Moxie has been kidnapped by Count Cenwig and is being held for ransom, but events are not going the way Moxie and Cenwig thought they would go.
A week after her kidnapping, Moxie burst through the doors to Count Cenwig's great hall. She carried a rolled up parchment in one hand. Cenwig sat at his high table with the captain of the guards. He saw her coming and a look of dismay spread over his features.
"Has my father responded?" Moxie asked.
"Not yet, and I sent three messengers so far." Cenwig made a face. "Still, I hope to have you back with your father soon."
Moxie tapped her chin with the parchment. "My daddy is a skilled negotiator and a grand cheapskate. I'll bet he's stalling until you lower your ransom demand."
Moxie unrolled the parchment. "Since my father isn't in a hurry to ransom me, as I knew would happen, I have a list of demands which are non-negotiable."
She paused to glare at Cenwig who sighed.
"First, since the thugs who kidnapped me were too stupid to also steal my luggage, I need five dresses and undergarments made. You will have a seamstress attend me tomorrow with cloth samples. Second, you will hire a cook who knows how to make something besides burnt oatmeal. Third, you will provide me with two ladies-in-waiting. Both must be of noble birth."
Moxie stepped closer to the high table and tossed the parchment in front of Cenwig. "See to it."
Cenwig held his head in his hands and made whimpering noises as Moxie spun on her heel and strode out of the room, slamming the door on her way.
"Does she ever stop whinin', complainin' and demandin'?" the guard captain asked.
"Apparently not," Cenwig replied.
"What if the snow falls early and we get stuck with her until spring?"
A look of horror crawled over Cenwig's face.
~ ~ ~
Princess Moxie paced her room like a wild animal in a cage. She had been kidnapped six months ago and still she languished in Count Cenwig's castle because King Smedley, her cursed father, had ignored all ransom demands until winter closed the roads. Now the roads were open again and Smedley had ignored another demand for payment.
She wore a ragged kirtle that had once been blue, but washing had faded the color until it was almost white.
Moxie hadn't been this bored since she left the rock and oak siege of the island. Cenwig's castle had no books or scrolls to read. Cenwig was the only noble-born creature in the castle; everyone else was base-born and mostly uneducated. No one knew how to play draughts or chess. Within a week of her kidnapping, she had refused to dine any more in the great hall with Cenwig and his men.
Everyone's manners were disgusting, as was the conversation. Moxie preferred to eat her meals in her room. The two women who saw to her needs and brought her food never opened their mouths in Moxie's presence, even to answer questions.
One of the women knocked on the door, entered, placed a bowl of food on the table and fled. Moxie looked at the bowl's contents and made a face. She tasted a spoonful and made another face. She picked up the bowl and marched down to the great hall where Cenwig could always be found.
She charged up to the table where Cenwig and the two guard captains sat drinking ale.
"What is this?" Moxie held out the bowl. "It tastes like burnt cereal?"
"That's what it is." Cenwig rearranged his legs so Moxie couldn't kick his shins.
"What happened to the chef? Is he sick?"
"I had to let him go," Cenwig replied. "Along with a squad of swordsmen, another squad of archers and ten servants. It's your father's fault, I'm afraid."
Moxie blinked in confusion. "Why is it my father's fault?"
"Because of your father's unreasonable position, I'm on the verge of bankruptcy. I needed your ransom money to cover my expenses. I don't know what I'll do if Smedley doesn't stop ignoring my ransom demands. Really, he is most unprofessional about this affair."
"You could let me go." Moxie saw a hint of freedom.
"Can't be done, you see." Cenwig shook his head. "I'd get drummed out of the Kidnappers Guild. Never be able to show my face again. No, I'm afraid you're here until someone pays your ransom. If your father won't, I'll have to look elsewhere."
Moxie threw the bowl at Cenwig's head, missed and stomped out of the hall.
Back in her room, she pondered Cenwig's threat to get someone else to pay the ransom. That would amount to selling her into slavery. She could even be sold to someone who was base-born. That was not to be endured. She would have to escape. It was her only hope now that the winter was over. That meant traveling through the forest on her own. To survive, she needed weapons. She also had to learn how to use whatever weapons she acquired.
After a few minutes of deep thought, she smiled; she had a plan. Now, she could keep herself busy preparing for her escape.
Hank Quense writes humorous and satiric scifi and fantasy stories. He also writes about fiction writing and self-publishing. He has published 14 books and 50 short stories along with a few dozen articles. He often lectures on fiction writing and publishing and has a series of guides covering the basics on each subject. He is currently working on a series of two humorous novels that take place in the Camelot era.
He and his wife, Pat, usually vacation in another galaxy or parallel universe. They also time travel occasionally when Hank is searching for new story ideas.
Visit Hank's websites: http://hank-quense.com/wp and http://strangeworldsonline.com/wp
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